Coming to terms with our mortality helped me to start living!

How willing are you to come face to face with the reality that you are going to die? I wonder, if more people could accept this, how different could the past 2 years have been?

How much more would we all actually be making the most of every minute we do have? There are cultures in the world that see death as a celebration. They honour it. It’s not something to fear. Yet our culture has made it out to be something we need to be so afraid of. To the point where so many people have forgotten what it’s even like to live.

I love that I’m surrounded by people who are willing to talk about death. Who aren’t afraid of it. Some even host ceremonies and rituals to come to the edge of death. It’s not morbid or scary when you accept it for what it is.

If you were to die tomorrow, would you be happy with what you’ve done with your life?

Recently I realised, I’m not afraid of dying. I’m scared to get to my deathbed and not have fully lived.

So this is the driving force behind all of my decisions.

Do I take the comfortable route?

Or do I take the scary leaps into the unknown? I now choose to walk these roads. Trusting that it’s in these places that crack me to my core, that challenge me, that cause me to unravel, that lead me right where I need to be.

Because I’ll never become the woman I’m meant to be by staying where I am. I have to keep dying to become who I’m truly here to be.

I’ve done many things to come to terms with my own death. Plant medicine journeys, past life regressions, trauma and shadow work. 

Today on a coaching call we were all invited to write our own eulogy and then share them with the other women.

It was beautiful.

If you were to write your own, what’s the legacy you would want to be remembered for? How would you want people to feel having known you?

Can you sit in the discomfort of death and allow yourself to truly feel what’s possible when you open to life?

And as you ponder those questions, I’d like to share my eulogy with you. These were written from the perspective of one of our children standing up in 20 years time and reflecting on who we were and how we made people feel.

Today we celebrate the life of an incredible woman, my mum. An enigma. The woman that gave me life, encouraged me every day to stand true in my beliefs, express myself freely, and love courageously.

Growing up I knew mum was different. A force to be reckoned with. She didn’t just speak about what she believed in. She lived and breathed it. Showing me you can have, be, do, anything you want to be. She taught me to trust in myself, believe in myself, love myself, and hold myself.

She taught me the world is a beautiful, magical, divine place and we get to create whatever we want for ourselves. She taught me to follow my heart and dream big. That even though at times the world may feel like a dark and scary place, there’s always magic to be found, love exists, and we are always so supported.

She taught me to have an open heart and let people in, to take risks, listen to the nudges of my soul, and to dance through life without too much attachment to outcomes. 

Mum was bold, bright, colourful, sparkly, courageous. A witchy, wild, creatrix who lit up any room she walked into. The impact she had on all the lives she touched was truly profound and beautiful. You only have to take a look around the room today to see just how loved she was and this is a testament to her big heart. She was fiery, wild, courageous, but a true lover and giver.

Community was everything to mum. She loved being part of big visions and was a true team player. 

She may be gone from the physical, but I know she’ll be here with us always. Whispering through the wind and the ocean. Her voice and presence is here in all of us, her legacy lives on.

She was a woman that inspired people to embrace their creativity, share their unique messages, and be themselves in a world that tried so hard to make us forget. I’m so blessed to have grown up with a mother that supported all my wildest plans and only ever told me to dream bigger.

One of the most important lessons mum taught me was death is nothing to fear and as we sit here today knowing death has come upon her, I find comfort in knowing she truly lived. Mum always advocated for life.

She travelled the world, showcased her art, spread her message across stages and touched the lives of so many people with her permission to be whoever you came here to be. She may be gone, but she will never be forgotten.

This exercise was inspired by the fact that Covid has swept through our communities in the Sunshine Coast, Northern Rivers, Gold Coast etc. where a lot of us live.

So there’s an element of fear playing out for many of us at the moment. 

Over the last few days, I’ve been grappling with the idea of what it would actually mean if I were to get it. It’s been on my mind a lot. Trying to deny it, not allow it to enter my reality. Telling myself “because I emotionally regulate it can’t get me.” Not buying into the madness, judging everyone around me that has had it. 

Then, people I look up to started to get it so I started to view the whole thing through a different lens.

For the last 2 years, I’ve basically denied its existence. Viewing it as nothing more than a ploy by our governments to strip us of our freedoms and implement tighter control. What else can explain the overreach and incompetence of the way this whole mess has been handled? Because if they really cared about our health, surely there’d be much more education about actual health rather than 2 years of isolation, fear-mongering, and hardcore vaccine pushing.

Now, I have to admit there is a virus. Do I believe it’s a virus that came about naturally? No. Whether it’s made in a lab or not, it’s real and it’s affecting so many people I know.

I’ve had to review my positioning, which I’m always more than willing to do. So yes, I’ll now admit people are getting sick. But also, is it sickness, or are we going through a collective purge and upgrade? Is it something we all need to go through so we can dive even deeper into our shadows, die more, experience another rebirth, and recalibrate ourselves for this Aquarian era?

One thing I know for sure. People that are vaxxed and unvaxxed are getting it. No one I know has been hospitalised or gravely ill, most are unvaccinated, and all have recovered. Everyone I know has recovered through home rest and natural remedies. So why the push for a vaccine?

If anything, the experiences I’ve seen people share has just solidified my belief that I do not need to inject myself with this ongoing experiment.

I’ll continue to live. I’ll continue to connect with other humans. I’ll continue to do whatever feels good and true for me in each moment. And if I do get this virus at some point, so be it. My body is healthy, sure it will test me, but I’m ready. I know nothing gets thrown at me that I can’t handle.

And here’s the hilarity of the situation. Now that it’s so present I’m actually counting days trying to figure out when would be the best time to get it based on my move dates as I’m about to move interstate in just over a week. I recognise the irony. And here’s the real fun part. What if this is exactly what it is, a virus of the mind? Infiltrating and seeping into our consciousness, messing with our psyche, until we so badly believe we’re going to get it and then we manifest it.

Maybe that’s how I’ve avoided it so far. I don’t tune into the media so until it became present in my communities, I gave it no time. You can’t get something you don’t believe in or give any thought to. But now it’s suddenly so present and my thoughts have shifted to “when am I going to get it?”

And how’s this for some existential kink?! In a way it’s actually turning me on. Hearing and watching other people’s experiences. Not the physical ailments and symptoms.

But the profound codes, lessons and downloads people have been receiving. From what I’ve gathered it’s somewhat like a psychedelic experience or extended plant medicine journey. So there’s the tripper in me that goes ok let me have it.

What can it show me? What can it teach me?

I’m in a five year for numerology which is a year of change and experiences that test my relationship to freedom, so it’s possible this could be one of those tests.

But here’s the other thing. Right now I know my mind is winning, because even though there are moments where I succumb and think, “oh no, maybe I am getting it.” It’s always super fleeting. I keep reaffirming that I’m healthy and good. 

I’m not scared of a virus because I know my body will be just fine and if it does happen to me I know the experience will gift me whatever I need. The thing that has been causing me to be most anxious is that I’m about to move interstate so it would be a huge hassle to be out for the count at this moment in time. And this is why I resort to all my embodiment and emotional alchemy practices to get out of my head and remind my body it’s safe and healthy.

As an outsider looking in it seems the main thing this virus does is serves as a reminder to slow down and rest, be still, trust in our bodies and their ability to heal, and let ourselves receive the upgrades… It’s an up levelling of sorts. So whilst I still don’t want it in the immediate moment, when and if the time comes I will welcome it with open arms knowing full well it’s not going to kill me. It will test me, push me, unravel me, but only as far as I’m ready and willing to go.

And in the meantime, I will continue to show up for myself and my clients in all the ways that feel aligned. I will continue to live my life to the fullest. I will continue to spend time connecting with my community, loving people, soaking up nature and being fully present in life.

I will continue to choose life, rather than existing in fear of death.