And I loved it — a journal entry after three days of juice fasting

Usually, I like to keep my journal entries to myself, but as I was writing this today it felt like something that wasn’t just for me.

I’m three days into a five-day juice cleanse. Something my body was screaming for after two weekends of heavy partying, a traumatic travel experience, falling into old disassociation patterns, and knowing it was time for a reset. 

And this is what came through.

Something feels different.

It’s like a fog that was surrounding me has lifted. The incessant chatter of my mind has reduced to a dull hum. 

I can hear things better now.

The waves crashing. The birds chirping. The leaves rustling. The whispers of my heart saying “yes, you’re getting it.” My pussy tingling for the Creatrix Queendom she’s birthing.

Sometimes it all feels way too big.

I have no idea where this is heading, but I’m trusting, following the golden threads. Making friends with the uncertainty. Time moves fast, yet so slow all at the same time.

I look in the mirror and can barely recognise the reflection staring back at me. Who is this woman that also looks like a little girl?

I feel like I’ve cut years off my age. People see it too.

Which always makes me laugh since I literally just turned a year older.

33.

This magical, creative, divine, master number.

An age I welcome openly, yet few believe it’s true.

I take this as a compliment. It’s reflective of the work I’ve been doing to heal. My heart, my soul, my body, my mind. The vitality is coursing through me and people feel that.

My best friends are all younger.

Proving to me age is just a random, meaningless number, time is not linear. Everything is just an illusion. A reflection of what we want to see. So we can create anything.

We don’t need to pump our bodies with foreign objects to stay young and healthy. We just need to really FEEL what it means to be alive, really ALIVE.

Free. Connected.

To slow down and enjoy all life has to offer. 

This week I was singing and talking to my plants. I had to stop and really soak that in. Not so long ago I was rushing through life, working 10–15 hour days, with hardly any time to do anything I wanted. Now, here I am with all the time in the world.

Why are so many of us always rushing? We’ve been taught to wear our busyness like a badge of honour.

What if instead, we celebrated the stillness, spaciousness, the devotion to being present in life?

What if all we had to do was BE?

How would your life look then? What would you spend your days doing? What makes your heart sing? Your face crease with laughter? What makes you feel alive?

I often believe in six impossible things before breakfast. It helps my mind to stay curious. I love the whimsical, the mystical, the magical. I often feel like Alice tumbling down the rabbit hole.

Yesterday someone called me a witch.

I loved it. She meant it in an endearing, loving way. And that’s exactly how I received it. We spent a few hours together at a photo shoot and this is what she gathered. I love that people who hardly know me can see this in me.

I love that this word no longer has a hold over me.

All those years of conditioning, of being made to believe witches are evil, harmful creatures. When really, they’re just women. Women who are connected to the Earth, to their bodies, to the creative power of their wombs.

Of course we’re to be feared. We’re a threat to the very systems that have kept humans playing small for far too long. 

I grew up religious, Roman Catholic. But it never resonated with me. The more I connect to my truth, the more I understand why.

The more we break the chains placed on our lineages, the louder we speak our truths, the more we create the ripples of change this world has been screaming for.

And those in power don’t want that.

We’re crumbling their outdated systems, burning them to the ground, and paving our own ways.

We are the granddaughters of the witches they couldn’t burn, and we will be the ones doing the burning this time.

I close my eyes and I see red.

A mix of blood and fire. Of dancing silks. Of rose petals. The colour of lust, warmth, pleasure, passion.

It’s always been my colour until I lost myself for a while.

But I’m back now, and red is in my bones. Red is the taste of living.

Red is the life force energy undulating through my body. The tingles of pleasure ripple from my pussy right up to my third eye as I sit naked on the shoreline feeling Mother Earth speaking through my body. 

Allowing her messages to ripple through me.

Receiving ancient codes of wisdom.

Ready to emanate this light even brighter out to Earth. I feel my ego trying to shut me down here. Stay modest. You’re getting too big for your boots. 

Nobody needs another self-righteous, spiritual wanker.

But I know that’s not the truth.

I show up humbly, but powerfully. I know how to command attention now. I know to captivate a room. I know how to make people feel. Not always what they deem to be good feelings, which makes it all the more powerful.

Because when people feel, they’re living.

There’s no dancing around and hiding emotions with me. I can see right through you. I can awaken the living dead with my words, my love, my thoughts, my presence.

I have this gift. Many people have told me. It comes naturally to me. I don’t even realise I’m doing it.

It’s why so many people showed up for me last week. I touch lives. I warm hearts. Simply by existing, I’m making a profound difference.

Sometimes I’m scared I’ll be too much.

If I shared everything that’s on my heart, like putting this journal entry out to the world. It’s vulnerable, it’s deep. But it’s me. 

Sometimes I’m scared I could lose it all. 

But I keep trusting, I keep showing up because it feels important. And I have so much evidence to confirm I’m on the right path whenever I do share more vulnerably.

I know my heart. I know how much love I have to give. I want everyone to experience the level of love I feel.

Isn’t it funny? It took ending a relationship to actually learn what real love is.

Love can’t be found in anyone else until you find it within yourself. 

I’m not afraid of being alone anymore, because I know love.

Yes, I yearn for a soulmate to share more intimate parts of me with, to venture deeper than I’ve ever gone, to explore my kinky fantasies, to go on adventures with, to create a legacy with.

But it’s funny, I also had this realisation this week, that part of me still doesn’t want a relationship. I feel like it will distract me from building this empire I’m about to create, but if I build this, wouldn’t it be better to have someone to share it with? Wouldn’t the sex alone help me to manifest it all even faster?

Is it love I desire, or just some more really good sex every so often? Now that I’ve had a taste after so long, my body wants more, but it’s the same story as before. I don’t want to let just anyone in. There’s few people that have been able to break down the walls of my heart to that extent.

Few that have made me feel safe enough in my body to fully surrender to their touch. 

All I can do is keep loving on myself, keep showing up for myself, keep showing up in my fullest expression.

All parts — soft, hard, messy, organised, ugly, pretty, wild, raw, vulnerable, shy, scared. 

Show it all. 

Share it with the world because that’s what I know best.

Sometimes it feels like I’m prostituting myself for social media platforms, but part of me keeps going back because I get off on it. The validation feels good. Watching myself back feels good.

I’m hot. I love myself. And I want to own that. For way too long I didn’t feel this way. I want to use my corner of the internet to inspire others too.

And it feels different now.

Now that I know I have a foot in the door of Web 3.0. That Web 2.0 is dying out and all my efforts will soon be rewarded in ways I never could’ve imagined, it makes me want to show up even more.

Getting ready for the shifts.

There are places and spaces that were made for me. Where I can share even more of myself. And that feels exciting.

So there’s a glimpse inside my mind. It’s a pretty wild ride… 

But I wouldn’t have it any other way.