What am I choosing?

Scene: Halloween 2021 — I was invited to a special ceremony at a friend’s place who lives in the Northern Rivers. I live in the Sunshine Coast.

In the not too distant past this wouldn’t have been any cause for concern. A 3 hour trip to visit friends and cross a state border was a pretty normal occurrence.

But somehow in the year 2021 this is seen as a somewhat criminal act.

Every time I visit this land and the people there I walk away having gained so much. The transmissions, the quantum leaps in how I show up after being in their presence, it’s hard to put into words. And I knew this time wouldn’t be any different so I decided to risk it anyway.

The drive there was excruciating. The traffic was horrendous and it was stop-start the entire way. I tried to relax and enjoy my music but because of all the stopping my mind just kept wandering to all the worst case scenarios.

There were so many moments when I thought maybe I shouldn’t go. Where I almost turned around and went home.

But this year I made a decision not to let fear control me. So I kept going. Despite all the potential things that could go wrong.

As I approached Gold Coast I knew I’d done something wrong. I saw the Welcome to NSW sign and my chest started pounding. My mind was racing. What are they going to do to me?

Technically I hadn’t done anything wrong. I didn’t even mean to leave QLD at that point. I just missed the exit I was meant to take.

Are we living in a dystopian nightmare?

As I approached the border control it was like a scene from an apocalyptic film. The sky was grey and gloomy. I had gone from back to back traffic, to not another car in sight except for one broken down one pulled over on the side of the road. The officer at the control booth was dressed in a head to toe plastic suit (to protect himself from the rain but it was still super creepy).

He asked for my border pass which I explained I didn’t have because I hadn’t actually left QLD. Thankfully he ended up being really nice. I showed him the directions I’d been following on my GPS and my QLD license and confirmed I was meaning to go to the Gold Coast and he let me go without any issues.

At that point I almost did consider just turning around and going home. The fear I felt in my body at what the alternative outcomes could’ve been was so overpowering.

But I didn’t really allow myself to sit in it, because then I had the next hurdle. Finding an inconspicuous place to park my car so I could walk across to the other side and meet my friends. I didn’t really have much choice but to park in a 4 hour zone, which thankfully being a Sunday didn’t matter too much as long as I got back in time the following day.

That all happened without any issues and I decided to just be present and soak up the moment. Once we got to our other friend’s place I was able to relax and enjoy the night. A highlight being breaking my year long sex drought!

Side note: My current realities

Something that became super apparent to me over the course of this weekend was how many different worlds and realities I live in right now.

As I travelled across borders, it literally felt like I was traversing through alternate universes.

There’s my usual bubble where I’m surrounded by creatives — musicians, poets, artists, entrepreneurs, hippies. We live on our own schedules, look for the beauty in the world, enjoy nature, dance, drum, sing, connect. We celebrate and support each other’s visions, and dream of shaping a new world into existence.

Then there’s the dystopian world where border checkins, vxx passports, and whatever other ridiculous mandates you want to throw in are deemed perfectly normal and acceptable by the vast majority.

And finally there’s the underworld. Where we come together in ritual and ceremony, sexuality is celebrated, it’s perfectly acceptable to wander around a party naked, open relate, have sex at one client’s house with another client, and talk about all the taboo topics. Conversations often take many dark and twisted turns, but there’s a perfect balance of humour and lightheartedness too.

When I look back at the past versions of myself I can’t even fathom how this became my life… yet here we are.

It often makes me wonder what else could exist?

A few years ago I didn’t even know the sexuality, tantra and temple worlds existed. The I suddenly became the go to tech girl for a lot of the leaders in this industry, and now find myself immersed in their world.

I read somewhere the other day that we only see 1% of what’s around us. We’re unable to take in 99% of the world we actually live in. So imagine what’s actually possible?

Could the things we read about in fantasy fiction and watch in movies actually be real? I mean, how do people come up with these ideas unless they’ve maybe experienced it firsthand?

Fairies, mermaids, witches… Visitors from other lands. Could they actually be real? Who’s to say they’re not?

“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.”

What does it even mean to be sane? If sanity means to blindly follow orders, trust in false leaders, and never question a thing…

Call me insane any day of the week. I like it better here. Dance with me. Let’s lose our minds, be wild and free. Fall into the depths of madness. There we can see whatever we want to see. Be whoever we want to be.

Oh but I digress…

OK, back to the Halloween story…

The next morning was great as well. I went back to another friend’s, we got some work done, went out for a meal, and then we drove back to the walking point.

At that stage the paranoia started to seep in. All these irrational fears coming up around whether my car would still be there, whether someone would’ve seen what we did and be there waiting for me.

The whole drive home I was tense. Even though the rebel inside of me was so excited that I had actually followed through and had so much fun and can definitely say the trip was worth it. 

The good girl inside was still so scared of getting in trouble.

And the warrior was so angry from witnessing all the blatant propaganda along the journey. Every single sign is instilling fear around doing our bit to keep people safe. There were big vaccination hubs along the highway.

You see a bit of that on the Sunshine Coast but nowhere near the extent of what I witnessed on the Gold Coast.

Fear breeds dis-ease

That made it so much more real for me. The day after I got home I ended up sick in bed. I just figured I’d run myself down from a big weekend and all the driving. But I realise now it was the fear.

Fear causes dis-ease. It’s why the media heavily induces it into all their messages. How else do they keep majority of the population sick and following orders? And I wasn’t allowing myself the space to really face what I had just experienced.

All week I couldn’t shake the underlying feeling of unrest, but I had so much else going on with work and my birthday so I didn’t really have space to stop and be present with it.

Then this week QLD made their latest health announcement and it all made sense. I got a small glimpse of what the extra restrictions were like in NSW and something inside me knew it was just a matter of time until it came to QLD.

And instead of allowing myself to face it, I’d been numbing. Falling back into old coping mechanisms. Eating junk food and watching Netflix. I was blaming it on my birthday hangover but 3 days later that really couldn’t be an excuse anymore.

So a few days later as I sat in my self pleasure practice and really felt into the sensations in my body, I realised how much fear was still being stored.

I’ve been pretty lucky in my Sunshine Coast bubble to not really be too affected by all the restrictions. I’m surrounded by people that mostly view this in the same way as me, and if we do have different opinions we still love and respect one another enough to not let it get in the way.

But this was the first time where I was really faced with being in a position where I might not have had a choice. I’ve heard of people being forced to get the vaccine at the border and when I made that one little mistake of taking the wrong exit, I was terrified that might happen to me. Thankfully it didn’t.

And if it did, I would have to live with that consequence because it was my choice to take the risk to go there.

We always have choices…

That’s the thing, we always have choices.

And that was one of the main reasons why I took this risk. Because I wanted to prove to myself that it was possible. That I don’t have to live in fear of BS restrictions that go entirely against my truth.

Right now it might feel like we don’t have a choice.

We’re being pushed and pulled, and backed into tighter corners every day.

And I know there’s so many people out there who really feel like they don’t have a choice anymore. Especially when jobs and livelihoods are on the line. Travel and entertainment are being dangled like carrots.

This is the part that frustrates me the most. The amount of people I know that have got the vaccine, not because they’re afraid of getting sick, but because they just want to feel a sense of freedom again, or they’re worried about losing their jobs. This is not choice, this is coercion, and it’s awful to witness.

I know I’m privileged, I’ve aligned myself with businesses and mentors that are paving the way of the New Earth. That will never force me to do something I don’t want to do, and I have a deep level of certainty and trust that I am supported.

However this is only recent. I was still receiving Centrelink earlier this year because my business income wasn’t enough, but I did everything within my power to change that because I knew I did not want to be in a position where they could use that as a way to force me to do something I don’t want to do.

I was homeless for a few months right in the midst of the last lockdown. That brought up so much fear. But also gave me a sense of freedom. If people asked, I had a legitimate reason to not be at my home. There’s always a bright side. 🤣

I know what I’ve been through isn’t anywhere near the struggles others have been through during this “pandemic”, but I also know it was enough to teach me that when we believe in ourselves, when we trust in ourselves, when we choose to get comfortable in the uncertainty, we are capable of ANYTHING.

I’ve even reached a point where announcements like this week’s no longer consume me like they used to. Yes I still get frustrated, I have my little rants, I feel my rage and frustration.

But then I move on.

Birthing the New Earth

I actually feel a deep sense of calm. Because I’m surrounded by visionaries, creators, shapeshifters. People who are solution focused.

We know we can stand strong. We are capable of anything. We know there are enough of us that can hold the line together. We don’t have to do this alone.

This week alone I’ve attended webinars where we spoke about the worlds we can create together in the meta verse, how our creativity can be rewarded, and we can make our money make money. I was even gifted an NFT just for showing up to a webinar and taking action. This is how quickly things can change in this world.

So while on the surface it sometimes seems like things are getting worse and worse. Maybe it’s all actually working in our favour…

Maybe all of this was necessary, to teach us how to love more, how to be present, how to communicate better, to open our hearts wider.

Maybe we had to be placed in such an intense pressure cooker to take a good, hard look at ourselves.

To realise what’s worth living and dying for.

Maybe it’s all working FOR us.

Maybe we had become too complacent, too comfortable, too consumed by things that don’t really matter.

And this is teaching us what’s really important.

Maybe this has all been about reconnecting to our truth, our wisdom, our inner knowing.

Maybe this is a time when true leaders will emerge.

Leaders who aren’t interested in validation and pedestals, but see us all as equals, recognise every person for their unique gifts, and encourage us to come together in unity and love to weave so much more magic.

Maybe this is a returning to all that’s sacred and magick!

The birthing of a New Earth was never going to be pretty or easy.

We have to die a thousand deaths to de-condition ourselves and transform into who we’re meant to be.

To shed the layers that have been weighing heavy on us for far too long.

End the abusive relationships with systems and structures that have only ever failed us.

Yes we’ll shed tears for who we used to be, for all we’ve ever known.

We’ll pout and stamp and try to hold onto the old, comfortable ways. But how do we grow there?

Maybe all of this has been pushing us to get more resourceful, to learn what we’re truly capable of, to step over the threshold and end the suffering.

Maybe it’s time to leap into the new. The longer we resist, the further behind we fall.

Maybe it’s time to take some risks, face the fears, trust in the unknown.

Think of everything we’ve already accomplished so far.

Everything they’ve already thrown at us, and we’ve been able to stand true within ourselves.

Keep holding that fire. Keep shining those lights. Keep believing.

Keep creating.

Creating an entire new way of being doesn’t just happen overnight. There has to be discomfort and uncertainty.

But on the other side of that, lies the New Earth. And anyone can choose this. Anyone can be part of creating this.

We just have to remember our truth, our power, our mission, our potential, our sovereignty.

Remember no-one can take that away from us unless we allow them too.

And also recognise we don’t have to do it alone. There are millions of other people all over the world who want this too.

We are here to LIVE, to experience life to the fullest, to open and receive all the abundance and prosperity that’s meant for us. All we have to do is choose.

Together we are limitless.

Together we can create anything we want….

I’m ready… are you?