What Do You Do When Everything Goes Dark?
“Journey into the primordial dark for a small group of six people.
This will be a week of upwelling from the mystery. We will have a rhythm of dark immersion and exploration in the morning and then harvest, birth, creation and integration the rest of the day.
During this experiential journey we will open deeper access points and pathways to the dark through consciousness, heart and matter.
Awaken the primordial dark inside your cells and atoms. Open more deeply into vibrational embodiment and attunement. Open creativity portals. Feel your primal nature and ecstatic aliveness.”
I read these words and instantly knew I had to do this journey. Not to mention it started on my birthday. It’s not the typical way most people would choose to celebrate a birthday, but for me it sounded absolutely perfect. Especially after spending a year journeying deeper into my shadows than I ever have.
So, what actually happened?
It’s something that’s difficult to put into words. You have to live it and experience it for yourself to truly meet and understand the dark.
I won’t even try to go into the whole week, but I do want to share some reflections from my experience in the dark room by myself. Each day we spent just over an hour in there as a group, and then one person would stay in and have an all day and overnight experience and rejoin the group the following day.
Without knowing exactly when I went in, I estimate I ended up being in there for about 20 hours. Yes, in a completely pitch black room with nothing but some water, a few mattresses and pillows, a shower, a bucket. And an A4 journal. Because even in the dark you can bet I was going to try and write my thoughts. And as you can see from the images below, I actually didn’t do too bad.
Now, rather than trying to paraphrase or explain things, I’m just going to share snippets from my journal (these are pieces I wrote when I could actually see lol)
A blood moon eclipse and a dark room
“Tonight is a full blood moon so definitely feels like a potent night to be in the dark. I’m feeling pretty nervous about it, but also ready to throw myself in and trust in whatever wants to emerge. It feels like there’s a lot ready to move and let go of.
I had really vivid snake dreams last night and there was definitely lots of serpentine energy coming through me so feeling very intrigued to see what emerges today/tonight, and if I last the full time. Quite excited and nervous.
I’m hoping I bleed while I’m here, I really want to free bleed on the land which is so abundant with womb energy. It feels potent to be able to experience that here and I can feel a lot of that energy with us being nestled deep in the matter and I’m about to enter into the womb today on a blood moon so I hope that allows my body the rest its been calling in to really bleed properly.
It will be the most magical birthday gift of all, to be able to give my blood to this land, knowing all the power and abundance that will call in. I an feel the heaviness in my body. It’s ready to relax in. I have a feeling I’ll sleep a lot of my time in the dark and I’m glad I’m going in first so I can fully drop into this place/experience and detach from my phone and the outside world.”
(I didn’t end up bleeding there, but it came on the day I arrived home so definitely felt the potent womb energy still with me)
What happens in the dark?
In case you can’t read my writing, now I’ll type out the words on the images. Yes, I wrote all of these in the completely pitch black room. Each time I finished with a page, I turned the book and placed it in the same spot I left it so I could easily find my way back to it. Because it was bigger pages and no lines I was able to fumble my way over the pages and write. I had no idea if any of it was actually legible until I got out of the room the following morning. And was quite surprised and impressed to see it was.
So here’s the mad ramblings of someone who chose to close herself in a dark room for 20 hours. The pictures are out of order so I’ll share them in the correct order..
“And now I am in a cell of my own creation. Oh the delicious sensation of being fucked by pure vibration.”
“Eyes open. Eyes closed. It’s all the same. Oneness. Everythingness. Nothingness. Are these words even forming? What’s real? What’s anything? What even matters?
“I have no concept of time.. is it moving fast or slow. I don’t know. I’ve self pleasured twice. Spoken in tongues. Met my demon. Been fucked by God and the Devil and the whole entire universe.”
“I’m nowhere but everywhere all at once. It’s raining. I’m mad and I love it. I feel sad for people whose madness is misunderstood. Imagine if they were gifted the chance to come to places like this. To realise their insanity is beauty and profanity.” (This part was inspired by a friend who we lost to suicide many years ago who had been suffering from schizophrenia. At one point in the dark I actually felt myself in the madness and hysteria and realised how much I loved that state. And how safe I was to feel that because I was in a place where it was allowed. And I wished that was possible for people who have been diagnosed, rather than being shafted out of society.)
“I met my demons. Exorcised them. Let them fuck me. Fucked them back. And then met God.”
“The mad ramblings of someone whose chosen to step into the dark. Oh the beauty in the madness. It’s dark but I can see so clearly here. A home I have found. Darkness envelopes me, wraps me up, cocoons me..”
“Come dance in the dark with me. Taste the pure insanity. Let the creatures run wild. Utterly beguiled.”
As you can probably tell from these little glimpses into my mind, things got mega weird in there at times. But it was so beautiful and potent. If you’re willing to allow yourself to go to these places it’s truly magical. There’s so much beauty in the madness.
After the dark
A journal entry from the following morning.
“OMG WOW WTF. I LOVE THE DARK. That was one of the most powerful, intense, magical and beautiful experiences of my life. We did our group session in there and that was a guided journey with music to move through matter, heart and awareness. The group body is potent and the waves were incredible, especially by awareness.
I felt like I was being fucked by God and the Devil and the whole entire universe and some of my lovers all at once. My body was orgasmic and it was perfectly timed with when the music stopped and we all went silent and zen for the last 20 minutes. It was so beautiful.
After that we went into the temple together and I shared a bit about how I was feeling and organised some logistics and then basically went straight back in. I didn’t even check my phone so I have no idea what time it was, but based on when we started our group session I’m assuming it was about 11:30/12ish and I ended up staying in there until just after 8am so around 20 hours.
It went in waves. I started by arranging the room and getting my bearings and wrote in my big book, then self pleasured and did some purging, laid down and napped for a bit. Then it all gets hazy.
I was in and out of sleep. I could hear rain and thought it was night then heard birds and realised it wasn’t, then wrapped myself in the sleeping bag and felt like I was in the cocoon of the womb. I could feel myself as the caterpillar going through the rebirth phase and recalibrating. Most of my journey was calm and pleasant and felt like I was floating through space receiving beautiful downloads about how to run Tech Witch School and driving to Perth and other big life decisions felt like they were landing and calibrating in my body.
Then there was the dark, trippy, pyschotic moments where I really met my animal and my demons. I was speaking in tongues and really felt my witch deepen and activate even more. I was moving and contorting in all kinds of weird creepy ways. Like what you see in movies. I just kept seeing myself as those kids in the film Mama and the girl in The Grudge. But I met her and I loved her and I want more of her.
Then I was so disoriented with time but I knew I was getting a hot water bottle delivered at 9pm. I never heard it come but woke up at one point realising it had to be night so opened the little two way door and found it in there. I wasn’t quite sure what the time was but that’s how I knew it was past 9pm.
From there I just planned to sleep but then I was laying there all agitated and in my head and decided I had to move it through. That’s when things got real weird. It felt like I was experiencing a full blown exorcism. I was burping and hissing and speaking in tongues and then I faced my demons. Three in front of me and I met them head on, then I let them fuck me, and eventually I found my power and fucked them back and I met God. That was one of the most intense, potent, powerful orgasms i’ve had in my life.
From there I slept through the night and woke up with the birds. At one point I thought I heard the didgeridoo playing (that was my wake up call) but it sounded so faint so I stayed in a bit longer. Then finally opened the door and it was right on 8am so it was all perfectly timed. I seriously feel so alive and invigorated and deeply rested and held and nourished.
And I’m just so excited about all the creativity and ideas running through me. It felt so good to not turn to my phone and to actually be really present with myself. I know I can do that all the time but I definitely want to make a point of spending more phone free time so I can call in my poetry and creativity again and stop being so switched on and distracted by everyone else.
All in all, I feel like I’ve received a huge recoding and I’m ready for so much greatness. Like at one point I saw codes shifting in my mind and body. Tech Witch recalibrating. It was sooo cool. I’m so excited to channel this new energy into Tech Witch School.”
Final thoughts
So I’ve shared a lot of edgy stuff this year. And it just keeps getting edgier. I know there’s parts of this that sound pretty dark and scary and like I’m borderline insane.
And I’m also totally cool with that, because I also know this was just an experience. Those parts definitely exist within me, and I’m glad I met them so I know how to work with them and integrate them. And I love that I can go to that place to access levels of aliveness within my being. But I also know how to come out of there and be present in life.
If anything, this just made me want to return to my life even more because I love what I get to do so much.
Everyone’s dark room experience is different. And if you do choose to do something like this, it’s important you have a level of embodiment, presence and experience in shamanic fields so you know how to hold yourself in there.
There’s also different levels of experiences you can do. I’ve heard of people who have gone in for much longer and who have actually been locked in. I probably could’ve stayed in longer, but I’m not sure about being locked in. One of the things that gave me comfort was knowing, if I really needed to, I could open the door and walk out at any time. So be aware of your edges and make sure you feel safe.
