A personal reflection on stepping back from retreats and masterminds to rebuild business momentum, and the tension between spiritual tools, intuition, and disciplined action in entrepreneurship.

When Retreats Start Feeling Like Avoidance

Maybe you don’t need another retreat or mastermind... maybe you just need to work on the things that are actually gonna move your business forward.

I just sent an email to withdraw my place at an arts retreat (understanding I’ll likely forfeit what I’ve paid so far) and also a message to pull out of a group mastermind I was gifted.. working with Venus.

They’re both things I’m genuinely interested in — arts, creativity and astrology.

Yet, I could sense I've overcommitted myself. I already have a drum n bass festival, and an ancestral journey happening in Italy in the weeks prior to the other retreat. That already feels like a lot of time to be switched off from business when I'm just starting to rebuild momentum. And logistically, it was starting to feel like it was going to pull me away from where I really want to be after the festival... back in Italy, connecting to the motherland. That always sparks my creativity immensely.

So the question I've been asking is... where am I doing this from pure desire and knowing there's medicine there for me, or where is it feeling like it's coming from obligation? The ones coming from obligation had to be cut.

Right now, my energy and focus is all gearing towards business. That’s what’s lighting me up.

That’s the spaces I feel my attention wanting to be. The others feel like distraction. Old identity vs new identity.

Not that I don't respect the work, it just doesn't feel supportive for where I'm at in my journey. There's a part of me that's recognising how I've used these spaces as avoidance in the past.

I was so good at analysing myself. Hiding from the world for weeks at a time. Going to these big transformative experiences, only to come back feeling more lost in my life, so it was on to seeking the next thing.

Kept in a perpetual cycle of "healing" and self excavation. While my life kept falling apart around me.

I decided to join these experiences when I was still feeling somewhat lost and confused about my life and business direction. Searching for some kind of meaning within. Some guidance on where to go next.

But the moment I started to feel clarity around my business again, I began to feel like, actually I just want to get a place in Italy, be close to family, bunker down and work on my business and ensuring I'm still able to show up for my clients. That's the priority. That's why I'm building the foundations before I leave, to ensure my business can support me while I'm away.

I still deeply believe in the power of immersive experiences and transformational spaces. Ironically, I’m about to start working with an events and retreats company.

But I guess the difference is, these are aimed specifically at women in business, women on a biiiig mission, women who aren't afraid to declare they're here to make money. And that's really where I feel myself being pulled right now.

There's also some fear in me from the last time I went to Europe and abandoned all my plans to keep attending retreats and festivals... and then my business fell apart.

I want to prove to myself that I can travel differently. That going away doesn't have to be a reason everything blows up in my face. That I can approach this more maturely and sensibly, and not lose sight of what I'm going for.

I know these modalities also kinda go hand in hand with business, but over the years, I’ve found the more I obsess over those things, the less action I take.

Cos I’m constantly waiting for the moon or the stars or the planets to tell me what to do, instead of just showing up.

I used human design as an excuse to sit back and do nothing.. cos I’m a projector and I’ve just gotta “wait for the invitation.” Well, where are these invitations going to magically appear from if noone knows I exist?

I feel like a lot of these things are only half of the equation and we can get sooo caught up in our quest to make meaning out of everything, that we lose sight of what actually moves things forwards…

Repetition and action.

And I’m not saying override our bodies or push and force… but I’m saying we can trust ourselves a little more.

Some seasons I feel incredibly on.. I wanna build and create and I can work waaayyy more than the “4 hours a day” a projector apparently has the energy for.

It’s the same as all these blanket rules about our menstrual cycles. For so long I made it wrong to want to work and create when I’m bleeding. I was surrounded by people who would stop their entire lives during that period.

Again, I’m all for listening to our body’s wisdom, but I don’t believe we become completely incapacitated during that time. And if I’m feeling creative and inspired, why wouldn’t I want to show up?

Interestingly.. when I messaged to say I think it best I leave the Venus group, my friend advised me this month is all about “pivoting, making clear choices, and drawing lines in the sand”.

This isn’t the first time I’ve been tapped into the energy without needing to be completely engaged.

I accidentally make plans that coincide with big planetary transits all the time.

I don’t obsess over it, it just naturally happens. Which to me just proves I’m more intuitively connected and can trust my inner guidance.

It’s good to have all these tools… but also, we often knoowwww what’s right for us.

We’re just too distracted to listen, or too worried about letting others down that we ignore the signs within.

There’s always a millionnnn retreats we could go to. A million masterminds we can be part of. The longer we stay in this world of personal development and healing, the more we build circles of friends who are all offering incredible things.

One year I attended something like 5 retreats and was part of I don't know how many different online containers cos I was part of the support teams. It completely fried me. Waayyy too much transformation… not enough integration.

So at what point does it become an addiction? An adrenaline hit? Obligation of wanting to support friends in their work? Or genuine knowing this space is FOR you.

Obviously I’m not against these spaces. I’ll likely always be in them. I’m just saying there comes a point where we have to be more discerning about our capacity, and honest about which spaces are actually supportive for where we’re at in our journey..

Are we feeding an addiction? Buying belonging? Or is this space genuinely going to support who we know we came to be?